Sex and menopause

It’s said that if a relationship’s going well, it’s often because communication and connection are good.  Tacit understanding and flowing conversations may exist and grow between couples and continue beautifully for years, but when menopause arrives and it’s an unexpectedly challenging one, communicating truthfully becomes vitally important, but may become difficult.

Because how easy can it be to communicate to your partner how you’re feeling, if you can’t explain it to yourself?  

If intimate harmony seems to be disappearing, it can be one of the hardest things for even the closest of couples to talk about.  Why?  Well because it involves the most personal and deep emotions for both, and the extent of this will likely depend upon how ‘active’ sex life has been up to that point.  If a couple has reached a point where having sex has been replaced by other beautiful displays of affection, then menopause and its potential complications may be of no concern.  Happy days!

However, if a couple’s sex life has been lively, with lovemaking frequent, or at least regular, with both feeling at ease with each other’s bodies, and their own, and then a change to expected and enjoyable sexual habits occurs, this may leave one partner feeling rejected, unloved and afraid of what will happen to the relationship.

Women have a habit of putting themselves last in life and by the time they reach menopause, they can feel depleted, especially if symptoms are particularly exhausting.  At the same time, they may be raising teenagers, have a career, support their partner, have parents who may need more of their attention, be unhappy about the way their body is changing, the list goes on.  So yes, sex may be the last thing on their mind for a number of reasons.  And another upsetting symptom of menopause can be vaginal dryness, making intercourse very painful, and definitely not encouraging a woman to look forward to making love.

There are a number of remedies for vaginal issues, depending on where you are in your particular menopausal journey.  And if no vaginal problems exist, but libido has disappeared altogether, there are ways to reconnect with your partner if that specialness has seemingly begun to, or has disappeared completely.  

If you’d like to chat about your menopause, please get in touch.  And it’s important not to make any hasty decisions about your relationship during your most challenging menopause years, because your feelings will fluctuate!

Be kind to yourself X

#menopause #perimenopause #sexandmenopause #communication

 I’m not a qualified clinician, dietician, or psychologist.  I write based only on my own experiences and research into menopause. J Wood

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